Wednesday, July 2, 2008

4:29 PM

I still don't know what to change my blog name to xD heehee, absolute idea. I may want to change it to some emo url, but dunno la. zzzz been rlly emo-ing. why sia. I don't like it when people try to be emo, but who am I to say that when I myself emo?


I don't know anymore. Everything's just so frustrating for me. I don't even know myself anymore. Why the hell would I cry over such simple things and feel nothing when such a huge impact happens? I don't understand myself anymore. One moment I'm angry at someone, and another I'm angry at myself coz I opened my big mouth and hurt someone else. I don't know what's wrong with me. If you do, then you're welcome to say it. I fucking don't know anymore.

I feel like I'm emotionally dysfunctional. Idiotic. Honestly, like I said I don't wanna trust anymore. But when I see people trusting me, I feel bad. How could I see them as future traitors when they see me as a Nakama? I feel really bad. I wanna talk about this but it takes me hell a long of time to actually put it into words.

I may been hated, I may be looked down upon. But I seriously hate myself when I look at others as people who might hurt me. Who am I to label such awful things at people? But no matter how much I hate myself doing it, I couldn't bring the courage to break down the barrier I've made between others. In that barrier is where I reveal who I really am. In that barrier is where my real life is. If that place is hurt, I'll be seriously hurt. I don't want that to happen anymore. I don't want to be betrayed anymore and scarred. I don't want to trust anymore.

Will I ever be able to trust someone and let him/her break this barrier without being scared?
Can I let it go and take the chances to get hurt?
Should I just give up on humanity and live on as a sinful girl?

I don't know.

*About Me

The name is Shafiqah.
I may not be liked, but am definitely loved.
I no longer give a damn to people of different views from me.
The people of the same views with me are loved.
I have big dreams and a big confidence to achieve it.

*My desires

~Watch Gokusen Movie and Coraline in the movies
~Get at least 1 Gothic Lolita suit
~Finish my list of "After O levels"
~Remove all my pimples
~Lose 10kg by January, 31st
~Get The BEST Of Aqua Timez Album
~Form a band

*My Music

Aqua Timez - Saigo Made

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

*My Friends

*Christin the Sotong
*Jue Ying the Mole
*DarkEmoPrincess1310 the MonkeH
*XiaoXing the Piggy
*Abel the BearBear
*CuteLove AKA Stephanie the Penguin
*Junichi The Hammy
*Caroline the Tiger Turtle
*Ye Jia the Froggie
*Dini the Cat

+2E2
+3 Emerald
+Esther
+Sherrie
+my previous blog
+Celeste
+Weilin
+Ruiyi
+Nur Shahiddah Ain
+Azmee
+Szemin
+Ira
+Genevieveee
+Chocolate Bunnies From Hell
+Sameen
+Dhania
+Joeyx3
+A I N kecygg
+Gerlyn
+WeiWei
+Gwendolyn
+Jessie
+Atique Vanilla

*My Story

April 2007 l May 2007 l June 2007 l July 2007 l August 2007 l September 2007 l October 2007 l November 2007 l December 2007 l January 2008 l February 2008 l March 2008 l April 2008 l May 2008 l June 2008 l July 2008 l August 2008 l September 2008 l October 2008 l November 2008 l December 2008 l January 2009 l February 2009 l April 2009 l May 2009 l June 2009 l July 2009 l August 2009 l September 2009 l October 2009 l November 2009 l December 2009 l January 2010 l February 2010 l March 2010 l April 2010 l May 2010 l July 2010 l

*Tagboard

*My Thanks To

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[picture]: [x]
[thanks]: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]