Wednesday, July 18, 2007
6:35 PM
If only I would get what I deserve...
X.X been crying, and am crying right now. Lol coz can't make myself stop so decided to blog it hopefully it helps to uncry myself XD ok so ytd I was in a.... let's say HOT mood? I scold people and shout here and there but yet I'm not angry. haha ok sometimes I am lar, but most of it I'm not. Then scolded my baby bro coz he wanna pull my thumbdrive out of the computer and I scared will spoil lar. Then my mom scold me coz I shouldn't scold him THAT much...
Me: OI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom : What oi oi? He only do like that must scold him issit? I'm the one that ask him to go there.
Me: Whatever! I oso dono you asked him there right? He go and touch that thumbdrive for what? Later if spoil, you wanna copy exactly like my lost projects all over again issit?
Mom : He just pulling it out when your com is off what? Won't spoil lar. I just want him to off the com switch. I dono you have the thumbdrive there.
Me: I oso dono you ask him go there. Will spoil lar, That time my Hist tcher want to print the slides got problem you know?! And I pull out nicely, this one pull like that how to work sia.
Mom: You need to be so elaborative? I just don't want youn scolding him like that just because of a thumbdrive.
Me: Whatever lar.
I got angry. Lock door, cry myself to sleep. That was a bit overboard but I hate it when my Mom/Dad scold me. Honestly, I truly love them. Damn much and no one could be any higher than them. When they scold me, I'd hate them. And I'll hate myself for that. Hating my parents. Never seen a worse behaviour in a child. And I can't hate my parents, love them too much. I mean, they are the ones who carry me through thick and thin, give me money, work for me, give me all this technology, give me a listening ear, and more. I just couldn't thank them enough, and now I'm hating them. I hate myself for that. That's why I cry. Coz I made someone I love so much scold me and me hating someone I love most. But still, I just wanted to know I'm loved too. oh well anw....
Then My mom keep knocking door since she lost her keys to my door and I just let her knock it. Coz I lazy mah. Want sleep more,hehe. I just sleep. She then ask my Dad to take the WHOLE doorknob off the door. Then my Dad did, now my door got hole. I don't like it. It's like my Mom don't trust me, that doorknob is damn important. It's a resemblance of privacy. And she's taking it away from me, meaning she doesn't trust me. That morning I stood strong, I know maybe a doorknob meant nothing to u but to me, it's important. I spend most of my time in my enclosed locked room and I HATE!!!! people looking at me doing stuff. I hate!hate hate~!!! And now my Mom don't trust me. I hate her actions. and now I hate myself. I keep asking myself "How could you hate your mom who's doing all this stuff for you? She's doing it for you and you HATE her? Damn you! You are some insolent child. Your parents don't deserve you" And I just break down and cry. I cried in the bathroom for like 20 mins when I'm showering. Then I started crying till non-stop. I see my mom, she's smiling. She's happy? Ok, and I kept crying. I closed the door, just can't lock it now. I cry til now.... T_T emo sia...
Labels: horrible day, I don't want to be emo, i must never cry, not an answer, Tears can neva fall becoz i never let them bt now they're falling even when i'm not letting them, why am i crying now
