Saturday, June 9, 2007
11:03 AM
randomly speaking...
ok I'm having no mood to post anything,lol. And to anonymous/Anonymous, forget abt my post to u guys. I'm rlly sorry, but I think I'm starting to get what you're saying. My blog is not dumb, if it is go somewhere else you don't have to stick around here as no one's forcing you. I'm emo becuz I know I'm emotional, it doesn't have to be a discrimination becuz there are a LOT of people out there proud to be emo, and it is nt an insult. I'm an emo, I accept who I am and I can't help it. I cry out of movies, songs and pretty much anything emotional. Crybaby? Yea but that's what I'm born to be =)
Long time nvr play audi, play today. Was rlly fun, made abt 16k dens in abt 6/7 games lol. Play with emo mei, she kinda lonely no one online so she play with me. My outfit is so ugly gawd, I'm saving to buy some pro clothes, becoz I wanna "act" pro but I'm not XD haha. I'm just lvl 11 freedom, zzz very low nvr take license, failed once and dowan take again. Lol but I bully freedoms, clubbers and sometimes amateurs. I think they ask other ppl to take license, so I can beat them.
Worry abt Fuzzy a lot, >_< she not eating and sleeping. I oso can't sleep, ended up sleeping lata than midnight every single night. I keep tossing and turning but can't sleep. Anyways, I'm trying my best to stand strong. I can tell everyone expects me to be strong, so I will. I told everyone in the poem, I won't let myself feel anymore.I'll just smile and make it look real, look happy and keep everything inside. If only somebody out there knew about me inside and comfort me, I will be able to feel happiness and sadness. But nobody does, everybody has themselves and everybody has me. I will be there for you, no matter who or what you are. It doesn't matter if I'll fall to help you, I will make sure you stand strong and won't ever budge. I'll smile for you, and I'll be happy for you. Because if I were to choose a face for myself, it'll die soon enough. I'll look happy, but I will never be, becuz there's nothing for me to be happy about. It's ok, at least I'm trying my best to keep everyone happy and rlly be happy. It's alright if I'm not happy, because maybe I don't deserve to be.
My mom's sick. Hope she'll be ok soon, she's been sick for quite some time, it sucks to see her like this. I dunno I feel lyk it's my fault she's sick, and everybody is pressuring me to be the parent of the house. I can't, I just can't. All I do is play laptop, and bore myself all day. My uncles and aunties and family members, I'm sorry I'm not up to you guys' expectations. I feel rlly responsible for her illness, but I don't know why I'm feeling like this. Maybe you don't know, but every time she vomits, every time she feels sick, it kills me. It kills me so much. I'm dying, and I can't stand to see her like this. That's why I'm staying inside my room, because it hurts me. It really does. It's not that I don't wanna help her, it's not that I want her to be worse, I already can't take it. I love her, I care about her a lot, so her being like this stings me bloody much. If only I could hear I'm loved too.
