Tuesday, June 19, 2007
9:49 PM
bored of posting??haha
I haven't post in a while have I?hehe haixx, no matter what I say, ppl nvr get satisfied of whatever I say, even after I might agree with their point. Sometimes I was so mad abt it I wanna curse ppl, but I didn't lolx coz honest ppl are nice ppl (= There was 1 time I felt so mad for no reason, feel like bashing ppl up, haha. But I can't bash ppl up becuz I'm not strong XD and well, beating ppl is baad!! hehes I have ppl telling me "Call me wen u nid help" heehee but they are my older cuzzies. anws, I duno y I was so angry. I was, not anymore. Felt like something so horrible happened and I wanna fking shrug off the pain, lol. ARGH until I told myself "If you become bad and mean, then you're no different than those mean ppl" and mean ppl are like me, and I was a horrible person so I'm trying to change, alot and I can tell my transformation isn't working so good lol. Hmm I'm a rlly horrible person, especially to my siblings. I was cruel to them. Erm in other words, inhuman. I was that mean, I rlly treated them awfully. Bullied them like how I was bullied. That was no way to treat them. I realised, and I regretted. I regretted a lot and desire to change. But will they ever forgive me? Will they ever think of me and respect me? Haixx...
More things in primary school. zzzz don't wanna say, my past haunts me every night, and I cryevery night, knowing I can't change any bit of it. I can't undo time and I can't do anything but regret. That feeling of regret sometimes takes over me...zzzz anw I wanna write poem, but no words get fixed in my head. When I finish writing a poem, I feel a sense of freedom as if I've let go all that I need to, and it feels great. But now, I somehow have no inspiration of a poem zzz. Argh let's "hentam" write a poem lol. I rlly wana write one. I know this sucks, but I need to do it or.... dunno XD let's hentam a poem...
Tears cover my deepened scars,
I have nowhere to run,
And nowhere to hide,
I'm exposed and I couldn't help but expose more.
Cuz the feeling of running and hiding for so long,
It was a need to stop,
I was dying,
Inside I'm crying so hard,
There wasn't a tear left.
I feel so enclosed,
From everyone around me.
Why can't I feel them for once?
Instead of coldness and hatred.
Where was this feeling of belonging and warmth?
I only feel coldness and loneliness.
I can cry all I want,
And regret all I want,
But I can never change what has passed.
It kills me when I reminisce,
And think how I could be so blind,
Yet at that time I felt so great.
Is this what I get for whatever I've done?
Or is it just in my head?
Because no one can answer these questions, but myself.
And I don't know.
I fking don't know what to do anymore.
What can I do to make it all right?
What can I do break this barrier from me and everyone else?
I thought if I change,
And not be the old me anymore,
Everything will be alright,
But it was a stupid mistake.
Nothing could fix itself,
Unless I end it.
I have to give it an ending,
Before I can say goodbye.
But I'm too scared!
I'm way too scared,
Of ending it.
How could I be so bold to start it,
And now can't end it?
I need to get this out of my chest,
But I've said goodbye,
Before ending it.
It was a stupid dumb mistake,
But now that's all I can think of it as,
Because that's all it'll ever be...
ARGH Y DO I SUCK IN WRITING POEMS TT BAD?! zzz nvm.... wana put pics in this post. emo pics lar, lol.
There are more emo ones but thes are new ones, and I think it's nice. zzzz if ur not emo, then u'll never understand XD
P.S. who's PB?? haha i dun think anyone will answer anw XD juz asking for fun
Labels: hmm....too lazy and bored
