Monday, May 28, 2007
9:20 PM
Wrd me...
Nothing happened today. Just 6 letters to describe today B-O-R-I-N-G! woke up 9am, then shower, eat, play com, play gameboy advanced (lame barbie game =,="), eat, play com, shower, play com till now. BORING right? hahax ya lar, lucky got my lappy to keep me company, and Emo to msg with. Then I figured Wei Yi angry at me >_<" hopefully he's not, but if he is, I don't fault him xD I'm just making a stand to my Bestie and what I feel tt is right. Didn't mean to be so mean, haha anyway, I'm worried (STILL) abt Fuzzy, she wanna cut and all tt. FYI, Fuzzy and Emo are the same people xD ok continuing, Wei Yi's together with Fuzzy again, nice nice happy ending blah blah ok. then she miss her dar, MaGiRoX's didi, so I pity her lar. Miss her maid and me (XD dono if tt's true lol)She went to NUS today and got so bored she msged me while I'm doing nothing so she kept me company for awhile. In fact, she msging with me till now haha. Now, I have to iron my uniforms for the National Maths Olympiad tmr, ARGH I don't wanna go lol. Why do I have to go anyway?? LOL becoz I'm in 2E2 =.=" plz lar, other people in the lower classes are cleverer than me ask them to go lolx don't even feel lyk going, no mood. I'm tired, I can't do much things right, I can't control myself nowadays, I'm worried abt hell so many things, I'm having bad luck for these few days STRAIGHT, I regret on so much now, my room is a total mess with dirty clothes lying all over, paper and books everywhere and emptied bags just lying anywhere and a messy bed, I haven't iron my uniform shyt, I haven't started on PW, I haven't save money yet zZzZzZzZzZz, I HAVEN'T I HAVEN'T I HAVEN'T!!
Grr I don't wanna iron my clothes lol. So damn lazy xD I keep thinking about my friends. Fuzzy, Dini, Siyi, Wei Yi, Danielle, etc. Abt their problems and how they cope with it. It sucks to me coz I encourage them to tell me their problems and when I do, it sucks when you feel there's so much going on and you can't do anything about it. They have their own invidual problems, but they wake up each morning forgetting and smiling to everyone, when misery and suffering is all they feel inside. Take Fuzzy for example. She alwaes kana scold by her mom, whereby I don't get tt usually and sometimes when my mom scolds me, I'll ignore her. I pity her coz I don't get scolded and she's going thru so much. Yet I call her my all-time bestie but I didn't to anything to help. And everybody else. They all have different problems. Family, relationships, and so on. But they come to school everyday smiling as if everything's all right, when everything's not. It reminds of me of the song Misery -Gd Charlotte.
~take a look around don't you see it?See tt ur the only real face in the rm no one here has a clue wad ur feeling, don't feel bad keep ur sadness alive~
Listen to it and you'll know. I alwaes know when Fuzzy has a problem, it's just natural. But no one can tell if I'm troubled. They'll never know when I truly wanna cut and truly wanna die. They never know, unless I tell them. Only so far one person is able to tell if I'm troubled or not, he's gone. Besides him, not a creature of God can tell anything real about me. Nobody truly knows, my darkness, my evil mind and all that. No one knows, I feel like I'm born to be evil. Because when I wanna do evil, I can make a perfect slick plan right away. I can make anybody even the strongest person around cry. I can take away one's self-esteem to 0. I can do that. I can step to anyone and scare them. I can, but I hate doing that. I hate being able to scare others and make others hate me. That's why I don't do that anymore. I don't make people hate me and wish I was dead. But my past doings are done. haha maybe people would think I'm crazy to think this way, but it's true. I can make someone feel so guilty he/she would die to get rid of tt feeling. I can be mean, really mean at times. I feel like I'm worse than Satan. I found out when I was really young abt 9, the easy way to scare someone without doing anything much is be tough. Don't act tough, be tough. So wad if you're a girl, that person who challenged you is a wimp. All you gotta do is kik tt person down. All you gotta do is show them who's boss and they're out. Self esteem, that's all it took to be mean and evil. Being tough and acting tough are different things. Being tough is showing you got guts and telling tt person "Come fuck me if you wanna get your butt kicked" Acting tough is telling that person " You're big but i'm not scared." That's acting tough. Being tough is making sure that person looks like one big fat loser. Acting is just crap. Oh well, everything I write here is crap. haha so wadeva..
