Sunday, May 6, 2007
10:30 PM
the world is insane...i'm insane-r by it
I don't understand people. Honestly, I know I'm a fucking bitch but I don't like to see hatred. Wahs Shafiqah u act nice ar? Maybe wateva lar, aku da malas nk complain kt korang. fine, wadeva u say is correct? Satisfied kan? Wahs Shafiqah marah ke per?sikit je nk marah ar? Ok jadi aku bad tempered?Thanks for telling me, although u tok to me like I'm something you care so much,haha. I mean rlly lar, u notice I come bak. U go and check my profiles, thanks y'all. I have ppl tt cared abt me! haha I don't mind of course that's y I put my profile public so tt anybody can see it =DEh Shafiqah perasan!Oops,ya mmg.So wad shud I say? sory? sory for leaving u alone n letting u say all tt shyt abt me?haha laff out loud. funny lar...shafiqah lame? oops maybe, so wad shud I say now?LOL ^^I mean no harm k,I just think it's funny haha.
Anywaes,I shoved away all the guilt away since she called me and says she's ok. I hope she is, haixx... I dono why are humans making other's life so miserable. you don't want ppl to make ur life miserable, and u be miserable to others. Fair huh? Aiyo, think of it lar ppl. It won't hurt for u to think "If they make my life miserable n I do nothing to them, tt makes me a gd person unlike them" If you wanna make revenge to the person, u r no different than the person since u r doing the exact thing or worse to that person.If tt person is a bitch, then so are you. So why not do nothing and u become the nice person while tt person just do all the mean things and u smile coz ur better than the person? I don't understand humans at all, wait I am one right?haha
SO TO PPL THAT HATE ME =====>>>>> Thanks for being honest. I don't wanna be selfish so I'm saying this first. U hate me huh?Well, the reason why I'm not fighting back is because I think of you as a joke, okay I'm sorry but I mean it IS funny when you twist stuff, you can't think I'll crawl in bed and kill myself XDif tt happens, you'll feel guilty and all that and I don't want you ppl to think that lar. haha anws, U read the above stuff n think abt it, if there were the angel and devil who would it be? I'm the devil? Think of what I've done and what you've done.
Ok so maybe I did horrible stuff to u I know, but I was young tt time and I'm sorry. Through all this time, I matured of coz lar! haha I thought if I was able to turn back time, what would I do? I would keep it all to myself, I would want everything to be balanced and no one orders anyone. But I can't keep turn back time, and even if I do I can't be perfect, now it's the future. I look forward to what's in front of me, nt what's back. The back is for u to learn, nt to repent. The future is for you to look forward(then look backward haha)nt to mourn over. what you did?I guess you can know yourself, I know I've told ppl stuff I shouldn't so to make things fair I told ppl the thing I'm most sensitive abt, I cut myself. am I proud of it? No of course not, ppl think I siao I very crazy slash urself for wad siao!Yep but I wanna make things balanced, u get humiliated by ur "bes fren" I get humiliated by myself. Bt you'll never be happy abt anything I do, so I do my own things now. I hope you're happy with your life becoz I am living now having frenz. I know u do too. So r u the devil or me? I don't know. I have made bad things, so do u. I have made gd things, so do u. I have never meant to hurt your feelings, but I have and I can't do anything abt it. I've tried my best and this is the best I could. Think I'm Toot? I'm sorry, this is all I can do. I hope you get what you want. You want me to be miserable? I am, but I never show it because I don't like showing it to other ppl, and I'm not the most miserable person on earth =D so I don't need to be sad instead I should appreciate having frenz I have now, coz they're nice. Of course I don't want any haters, but I can't magically change your feelings towards me, I can't force you to like me. Instead, I try my best to please you and give me what I deserve and try my best to give ppl what I don't have.
Maybe I really don't deserve to live. Maybe I am the mean gerl u all think. I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm sorry. This sorry is not to sympathise you. This sorry is "I'll do a lot of things to heal the scar I've done" but no one will seem to know why I'm doing all this. Because hating someone is sinful. Do you know? Hating others is sinful and I'm giving u sins, I can't forgive myself for that either. So I try to take all those sins, a win-win situation but I can't do all this by myself, I guess things u hoe to happen don't happen easily.
Labels: i dono wad to think anymore
