Tuesday, May 29, 2007
7:24 PM
I'm really depressed,lol!
Fuzzy told me something and I got really depressed about it, I really was depressed. I feel nothing inside, I feel like I'm so empty. Hehs now feel like writing a poem again. Emo huh? If you think my blog was emo. then I don't know what you'll call it now..
Watch me cry,
Watch me die,
Watch me disappear,
Watch me leave.
I know I wasn't someone who you want to be with.
I know, I understand and I surrender.
Kill me, Slash me and be unmerciful.
Be unmerciful to me,
I don't understand why,
Are people hating me,
Why are people wanting me to go,
Why are people wanting me to not exist?
I couldn't understand why people fking hate me so much.
I know I was such a bitch.
I was such a horrible person.
But I want to change.
I want to evolve to a nice person.
I believe people can change.
Why can't you?
Why can't you believe that I could change?
Why can't you believe that I would be a nice person?
Why can't you give me a sense of hope?
Why can't you believe and hope I'd change?
Why are people making me die inside, but so alive on the outside?
I've given up.
I thought I could believe in myself.
I thought I could believe in my friends, the people I care about.
I thought if I could do things nice for once, people will see the light I see.
People will believe I can change.
People will believe I'm not the bitch I was before.
BUT THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!
Because I can't do something nice.
I've tried, I've tried so hard
To be nice and to be good.
I've done to my limit just for the people I care so much about.
But all my effort doesn't really matter in the end.
In the end, all my effort are a waste of my own energy.
In the end, everything that I worked for.
EVERYTHING I WISHED HAPPEN,didn't...
In the end, I still make others cry.
I still make people regret and hate themselves.
I still make people hate me.
I still am the bitch before.
I still am the little lonely girl,
waiting for someone to love her and be there for her.
Why couldn't you for once see my effort?
Why couldn't you for once smile and see the change in me?
Why couldn't you for once appreciate I'm there?
Why couldn't you for once WISHED I WOULD BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND NEVER LEAVE YOU?!
I thought I met people who appreciated my presence.
I thought I have met real friends.
Real friends who accept you for who you are and smile because of your craziness.
My real friends, didn't want me there.
My real friends, neglected my helping hand.
My real friends, wish I never existed.
My real friends, wanted me gone.
My real friends, think it's better without me.
My real friends, who are they?
Who are the people that will really appreciate me and smile at me?
Do I have to believe a miracle is going to happen,
And lie to my own self?
I don't wanna lie to myself anymore.
Who will think of me, and thank God for creating me? No one...
No one, will think of me as an angel.
I guess that person who wrote in the tagboard was right.
Why couldn't I accept myself?
Why couldn't I believe that the more I try to be nice, the more hatred comes?
I don't cut anymore.
I proudly say I don't.
All my pain, my sadness and my grief,
will be kept in me,
inside me and I'll never let it out again.
I won't let it ever consume me,
I'll let it bleed everything that exists inside,
I won't let myself feel anymore.
I won't let myself know what happiness is anymore.
All that I'll feel, is nothing.
SO EMO RIGHT?! hehe i know, but everything I write is whatever I feel personally, Fuzzy please don't feel guilty or anybody who feel guilty reading this...don't please. I'll hate myself even more. Let me cry, let me die. Let me leave, let me bleed, inside....
P.S. to Fuzzy, this poem is copyrighted, and kuroshite means "kill me"
Labels: my true emo words. COPYRIGHTED
