Tuesday, April 24, 2007
12:33 PM
my life? don't know
heya ppl! Okaes so ytd somebody got tell me that life doesn't suck and you should be happy for what God's giving you. I half agree wif tt. Yes I do appreciate God for giving me a life of wonders, but it does suck becoz I don't make full use of it and I use my life to hurt others. Bad huh? Yeahs, I know. So, I don't think life sucks, but rather I don't deserve to live. =( it just sucks when I do so much to hurt others, but I never meant to. If I did mean to, I really regretted. I regretted it so much until I hurt myself on purpose so that I feel I am getting what I deserve. A lot of people hate me, and I don't know why. It hurts, honestly it hurts me inside because I'm creating hatred in those happy people's lives. I try my best to vanish that hatred, but I just can't. Why do they hate me?? I backstabbed them? How? What did I do? Can somebody tell me, what did I do? WHAT DID I DO?!!!!!!! I know I did something, but I don't know what. Haixx some people don't want to know the truth but for me, I wanna know. Because this way I just can understand people. Why do you hate me? I keep asking myself why they are hating me. Why? why? why? But the question never gets answered.
And if you tell me I deserve to live, I doubt it. I've done so much hurt, if you were hurt by me you'd know. How bitchy I am, how cruel I am. I regret, I repent so much until I hate myself. I hate how I am able to live and they live with so much suffer by one bitch who have nothing else to do. I try to hide it. I try to hide that I feel really sorry for them, but now I'm revealing myself. I do feel sorry for you. I'm sorry, I really am sorry. I have done so many things to you and you've done nothing to hurt me. So I've hurt myself. I hope you are happy now, because if you aren't I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't forgive myself for what I have done. My life doesn't suck, but I make other life's suck so badly. People hate me, I don't know why. Because those people that hate me, aren't the people I expect to hate me. I expect those people that I've hurt to hate me. To detest me. To think lowly of me. I just wish I could take everything back. Everything, but I can't. Now, the world doesn't revolve around me. god I rlly am emo now XD but I mean everything I say. Tears are never shed for me, tears are shed to drown me alive. So that I won't hurt them anymore. So that they won't wake up each day regretting to be alive again.
